Monday, October 31, 2005

and im loosing grip,
this facade's coming to an end.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

it was a not so boring day in town.

pq and nat shopped in TOPMAN today.
hrmm.
like, okay.

ate so much ice cream.
i can feel myself growing sideways.
rahh,
hates it.
why?! why?! why?!
especially when im horizontally challenged.

saw someone twice in town today.
i don't know why,
but pangs of jealousy started hitting me.
i know its all over.
history i'd say.
but, RAHH.
i don't know.

maybe its time to really move on.
i wonder if you have.
maybe you've got someone else.
hah,
even so.
i'm in no position to comment.
all i can say is,
i miss you so.
yea, what can i do bout it.

so many random memories kept flooding my head.
had a family lunch today.
they were being annoyances as usual.
dad's promised an ipod.
but i think i'll rather have the money for shopping since hes gon get my sis one too.
i'll just steal it from her.
heh,
im a bitch.
but shes a bigger one.
no doubts bout that.

so many so so many sleepless nights.
gon go to school to collect my report book tmr.
i wanna know my class position.
ohh well,
till then.

boring day in town.
RAHH.
holidays are here.
so bored, so so bored.

dad's been a bitch.
mom's away.
just cause i haven't been home for 2, 3 days hes threatening me.
bitch bitch bitch.
hate you.

AHHH.
kill me.

my life's a mess.

Friday, October 28, 2005

till now,
im still living in the past,
can't seem to step out of its shadow.

im still trying to get used to the changes.
im still getting jealous over simple things.
im still fighting to keep my head above water.

nobody can replace you.
sometimes,
even looking at you is just too painful.
i think im breaking down.
i can't pretend i've moved on anymore.

my mind just can't stop thinking.
maybe thats why im still stuck in the past.
what a way to end this year.

the holidays are coming,
maybe by then you'll be over this.
by then,
i'll be just a memory.
hah.

i just miss you so damn much.
you never left my mind.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

jealousy ;

why is it running through my veins at full speed?
so much for getting over it.
shut up jer.

saw GM in town today.
heh.
i swear i could feel the tremors.
had my entertainment as usual.
clones.
jumping and jumping.

meanwhile, i'll make a mental note not to that skirt again.
rahh.
bad experience today.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

everythings thats happened has just taught me what independence is.
i think i've found indepedence again.
im proud of myself.

i finally understand what you mean -
do it for yourself.

everything this year has just made me stronger.
i don't need to rely on anyone to make me happy.
all thats happened has taught me alot of things.

i think i'll make it through this time.

she reminds me so so much of you.
and i just wonder how you are.
so much for my happy ending.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

broken ;

everything happens for a reason.
its fate that this started.
and fate that this had to end like that.

regrets -
its too late to talk about them now.

meanwhile,
i'll just accept it.
i've promised myself not to hurt myself.

goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything i thought i knew.
you were the one i loved,
the one thing that i tried to hold on to.

i still get lost in your eyes,
and it seems that i can't live a day without you.
closing my eyes,
and you chase my thoughts away.
to a place where i am blinded by the light,

i miss you.

Friday, October 21, 2005

don't wanna make any more mistakes.
this one week.
a count down?
seems so.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

thinking back,
i don't think we're both ready -
ready to work it out.

much as i do want to.
but i don't think you can.
maybe the past was just too much for you.
i don't want to push it.

i don't think i can too.
my heart's just too confused.
too broken.
i don't know.
the past, just everything.
letting go is something im not good at.
sighh

i feel like im making matters worse.
for myself,
for you.
am i just dragging this on.
i don't think things are going to get any better.
the past will always be standing in the way no matter what.
only time can heal all that hurt.

maybe all thats left is ;
memories.
thats what i can keep.
yea, i'll just leave it there.

so many mistakes.
so many misunderstandings.
so many things were left unclear.

i don't know why,
but i've just got issues with opening up sometimes.
i guess i've just grown used to keep on repressing my feelings.
the past and my upbringing has just made me this way.
maybe what my sister said was true.
i'm just not open enough.
to the point of damaging relationships.

am i just leaning on you?
because i've realised.
im loosing my independance.
where did it disappear to?

that night,
i could literally feel my heart pull.
i could really feel the ache.
damn it.

maybe its just fate,
fate that this started.
and fate that this has to end this way.

i want some painkillers.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

was i lessening the hurt,
or did i just give up a chance at happiness?

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

the past few days have got me thinking.
is it what they call telepathy?
or is just my instincts.

fate,
how twisted can it get.

so many random thoughts in my head.
so so many.
AHH
kill me.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

deal with it.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

im just sitting here,
hoping this pain would fade away.
i just wish someone would shoot me.
the pain would be such a sudden rush.
and soon it'll be over.

will you ever know how much you mean to me?
i haven't cared so much for someone like this in ages.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

is this just another phrase of my life?
i hate myself.
hate life.
ahh, fuck this.

sometimes, even the simplest things can complicate matters.

that made me feel weird.
for some reason.
am i just being oversensitive like i always am?
and yea,
maybe im just really thinking too much.
maybe.

"i try not to need anthing from others, so i won't be dissapointed"
quoted from L word.
well, it was something like that.
i see truth in that.

where did independance dissapear to?
maybe thats why my world's tearing apart.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

8th october,

so many things have happened.
all the changes and all.
time flies so fast.
the past 2 months have passed in the blink of an eye.

can't wait for exams to be over.
hate art.
hate hate hate hate it.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

pretty screwed day.
i think theres nothing much left for me to say right now.
but,
i hope things get better after this.
will they?
made my mistakes.
now i finally know.

we miss J N AC.
we came up with that while waiting for the rest to finish up their geog paper.
hrmm,
go figure.

caught the flu.
no. wait, it caught me.
whatever,
ohh, im so damn lame.
feeling like, S H I T now.

halfway through the exams now.
papers pretty screwed up.
whats new.
hah.

missing and missing you ;

because of you, i don't need a reason to smile.
because of you, you light up my life.
:):)

Sunday, October 02, 2005

i think im breaking down.
i don't want to lose it again.
i can't handle it.
i can't.