Wednesday, December 29, 2004

fucked up day.
din even haf te take my bio paper in the end.
hrmm.
not tt i wanted te in the first place anyway.
sighh.
wott more can i say.
i failed my maths.
and yes.
im retaining.
3/9 '05 here i come.
screw this fuck.
urgh.
on the lighter note.
i passed my phy with 66 marks.
but wots the point now when i failed my maths.
sighh.
blahhh.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

ohh that im-too-cool-to-talk-to-you-bitch is back in action once again.
hrmm.
wot do ye know.
i guess all we need is time.
and soon the world wud realise.
that ye ain't exactly who they think ye are.

okae. wotteva.
i guess wot really pisses me off.
is the way ye really destroy relationships between pple.
blahh.
shut up jerlyn. shut up.

urgh. im sufferring from some flu infection.
and its getting te me.
damn. im just not in the mood te study anymore.
i feel like giving up.
heckk. retain then retain.

i don believe in the truth.
cause the truth is something that can be changed over time.
it ain't permanent.

but i believe in facts.
cause facts can never be changed.
they stay the same no matter wot.

blahh.
wotteva.
im just talking absolute nonsense.

her world.
with her locked up doors
and strong high walls of silence.
isolation was no stranger.
love became the enemy.
and numb to pain she grew.
with hatred manifesting.
she showed the world.
she didn't give a damn.
crawling closer to the edge each day.
a push from you.
was all that was needed for hell to break loose.

Monday, December 27, 2004

i've decided te put the past behind me.
and that includes ye.

i've found happiness.

how bout ye?

hrmm.

cip today was tiring.
and tt stupid womann
was ohh-so-bitchy.
hahaa.
kept on picking on us.

met cinta for dinner after tt.
not exactly dinner though.
hrmm. then headed home.

urghh. can't sleep.
damn the stupid coffee.
hahaa.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

did a lil bit of last min shopping on friday. hahaa.
then headed back home te change and all.
went for the 6pm mass.
and it ended arnd 8?
well.
rushed all the way home like mad.
and took my time te bathe and eat.
then slowly made my way down te ps.
hahaa.
omg. town was super super crowded.
and i nearly met. -
but fate decided tt we weren't gonna meet.
and so the msg din go through.
and i only realised tt the next morning.
then after delivering the presents.
we checked in inte some i don know wot hotel.
think it was called king capthron or smthng like tt.
just 7 mins before christmas.
cause the others were like all fully booked.
then tts when the fun begins.
after all the nonsense and all.
they finally decided te start playing indian poker.
and woahhh.
the bottles of vodka and whiskey were all gone after tt.
and tt came at a price of cause.
someone got drunk. hahaa.
and she was like. -
it was really hilarious.
and after tt. almost everyone puked.
cept me and -.
but gosh. my nose was blocked.
and i was having difficulty breathing.
i was like hyperventilating or smthing.
but yea. heard i scared the hell out of em.
hahaa.
and somebody saw the cuts.
and asked.
but heckk. checked out and monkeyed arnd.
came back home for the celebration.
and now here am i.
wishing tt this day wud never end.

you've got me confused.
really bad.
maybe you're actually the one.
my hearts longing for.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

urgh. im so t-i-r-e-d.
was in school earlier on.
te do some stuff.
saw so many teachers.
and they all asked the same question.
and i din know how te answer em.
hrmm.

christmas coming.
and its a time te forgive and forget.
and learn te love once again.
at least it is for me.

still missing you.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

lets see.
i've been eating non-stop for the past few days.
post-exam stress?
hrmm. maybe.
anyway. my head's still kinda spinning a lil.
from tt alcohol last night.
urgh.
anyway. someone dropped 3 more kittens at my place yest.
saw em this morning and i was like HUH?!
okae. so now my house has become an animal shelter.
in total. im looking after 7 cats and 1 stupid dog.
and a mynah. and. i don know wot else there is te come my way.
blahh.
im bored te tears.
and i can't get myself te start studying.
zzz. gonna stone rnd a lil longer.
before i start mugging my way through rest of the day.

like a tattoo.
ye face seems permanently drawn there at the back of my head.
ye got me confused.
all messed up.
but all i want this christmas.
is just te be able te smile without ye.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

ye make me really sick.
but. i shan't let a person like ye get me down.
its official now.
welcome to my hate list. hahaa.
ain't gonna talk bout wots fair and wots not.
cause i believe.
wot goes arnd comes arnd.
hahaa. just a word of caution.
be careful. don get yeself tangled up in ye own web.
hrmm.

eventually. i'll stop loving ye.
eventually. i'll let go.
but i'll never forget how ye broke my heart.
ye are still the one who makes me. -

Saturday, December 18, 2004

the public performance was a flop today.
ain't tt surprising.
it was drizzling.
for a while. but someone.
kept on procrastinating and all.
even after it stopped.
heckk. doesn't really matter te me.

so yea. it was a pretty retarded day.
or rather.
i was the retarded one.
thanks te joyce's wonderful idea.
i was there hiding behind the chairs.
and yah. the rest of the story.
shall be confidential.
kinda made a laughing stock outta myself.
hrmm.
ohh yea. saw sherry.
and somehow she thinks i know something?
and kept on asking me te shhhh
hahaa.
MAN. THERES NOTHING FOR ME TE SPREAD.

got back from the SFX choir concert bout an hour ago.
it was.
- no comments available.
ohh well.
anyway. there was this guy who said a prayer.
and there were these few lines.
its better to understand. then to be understood.
its better to love. then to be loved.
and i can't rmb. the rest. smthing like tt.
thought it was rather meaningful.

its not tt i din wanna be there.
its not tt i din wanna care.
its not tt i wanted te be so cold.
i just don wanna haf te walk away with a broken heart.
i'm afraid te try again.
im afraid of being hurt.
im afraid of losing all i haf.
i ain't tt strong. when it comes te ye.

Friday, December 17, 2004

AUDITIONS ARE OVER.
omg.
wasn't tt bad afterall.
considering tt i really screwed up.
heckkk.
wotteva.

blahh.
band later. 2nd last practice.
LIKE FINALLY.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

blahh.
im tired.
cause of swimming.
and cause i woke up so early.
alright.
auditions and tuition tmr.
so dead. URGH.

all of a sudden.
i feel as though my life's been re-written.
or maybe. nvm.
hahh.
could that person be ye?
its funny how not too long ago.
i thought it was impossible.
well. i'll see wot life has te offer me.

weren't you the one who said you that you din want me anymore?
and how you need the space. give me back the keys to ya door.
and how i cried. and tried and tried. to make you stay with me.
and you said the love was gone. and that i had to leave.

now you.
talking bout a family.
now you.
saying i completed ya dream.
now you.
saying im ya everything.
you're confusing me what ya saying to me.
don play wit me. don play wit me.

cause wot goes around comes around.
wot goes up must come down.
now who's crying desiring to come back to me.

i remember when i was sitting home alone. waiting for you till 3 o'clock in the morn.
and when you came home you'd always had some sorry excuse.
and then explained it to me. like i was some kinda fool.
i sacrificed the things i want to just do for you.
and when its time to do for me.
ya never came through.

now you.
wanna be up under me hey
now you have so much ta say to me hey
now you wanna make time for me.
wotcha doin to me
ya confusin me
don play wit me. don play wit me.

remember when i was sittin home alone waiting for you till 3 o'clock in the morn.
night after night knowin somthin goin on.
wasn't long before i be gone.
lord know it wasn't easy believe me.
why neva thought you'd be the one ta decieve me
why ya neva do what ya supposed to do.
no need to approach me boo cause i'm over you.

gotta stop tryin to come back to me

it's called karma baby and it comes around.

man. i love this song. hahaa.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

blahhh.
its sucha mess now.
EVERYONES GETTING ON MY NERVES.
hahh.
wott a way te end a pretty interesting day.

the juvenile delinquent.
the face in the crowd.
the one who made me smile.
the one who made me cry.

yes im missing tt very you.

Monday, December 13, 2004

okae. i've kinda chilled a lil bit.
and my ulcer hurts like !@#$
from all tt blowing.
all tt effort isn't worth it man.
hahh.

heard a nice song on the radio just now.
i'll stand by you.
by girls aloud.

i'll stand by you.
even if i don get anything in return

why am i always being:
misuderstood.
underestimated.
picked on.
a bitch today decided te create some drama.
by crying and fabricating tales bout me.
urgh. disgusting.
and infantile.
anyway. hear this now.
i'll say it only once.
just te let ye know.
i gave up my position. due te personal reasons.
i wasn't kicked out of it.
well. ye've got wot ye wanted all along.
ye don haf te make things up bout me.
and try hard te get others attention.
so fuck off.
and stop being so pretentious.
and even if ye do know a thing.
it doesn't matter te me.
i've nothing te hide.
i know things bout ye which ye prob never dare te tell others. except - maybe.
and ye'd prob faint if ye knew i knew bout it.
its ye reputation at stake.
well. piss off yea?
i may not be better than ye.
but ye ain't as great as ye think ye really are.
and its not like i really care.
afterall. we don exactly share the same views.
do we?

Saturday, December 11, 2004

had the usual band in the morning.
followed by the usual maths tuition.
well band was pretty slack.
but not as much as the previous weeks.
and as usual. someone annoyed me again.
i so wanted te SLAPP tt someone.
hahh.
*BREATHE BREATHE! 1 2 3! LOUDER!*
familiar quotes from someone.
argh!!!
ohh and how can i forget.
from now on i shall speak with more life.
hahaa.
maths tuition was hell.
i was falling asleep.
and i din haf a clue bout wot i was writing.
anyways.
came home and slept my way through.
yes im a pig. and i know tt damn well.
just woke up not too long ago.
and just had dinner.
which made me feel really sick.
and tt proves my point.
eating is sick.
hahhh.
so therefore. i shan't eat. yea. sure.
i'll just die of starvation.

i've been ignoring this shit feeling for weeks and it just won leave me.
so now. screw tt. hahh.

Friday, December 10, 2004

someone was in a pissy mood today.
someone was really annoying.
someone taught me the wrong things.
someone enjoyed my company so much tt tt someone had te sit next te me.
IRRITATING.

found out some stuff.
and well.
just realised how blind one cud get.
esp. when ye are in love.
so yea. tts it.
i'll never fall in love.
tt way. ye won haf te go through.
all the heartaches. lies and breakups.
and blah blah.

so meanwhile i shall just have all the fun in life.
and not give a damn bout you.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

i just read something.
and it made me feel kinda horrible.
and i blew at my mom again.
din really mean te.
not tt she gave me a reason to.
hahh.
i don wanna giva f*ck anymore.
and so if i fail my exams again this time round.
just too bad?

got my iq. test results back.
sometime earlier on this week.
and. no more comments available.

and i spent quite a fair bit of $$ today.
on.
no comments available too.
zzz. its gonna be a long and dreadful day tmr.
its FRIDAY.
and theres.
****.
sucks please. ~!@#

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

soon i'll haf te leave the house.
for somewhere where i so don wanna be.
arghh.
i think lots of explaining has te be done today.
but i'm not in the mood.
so maybe i'll just go there and give a blackface.
hahaa.
woke up aching all over from head te toe.
and the best thing is.
i can't rmb wot i did last night.
ohh heck.
zzz.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

this whole week is gonna be really shit.
even more so then the previous weeks.
i think im gonna snap.
i've got like a million tuitions lined up
over the next few days.
and if i don make it.
i won be surprised.
cause. i've already forgotten half of wot i've learnt.
hrmm. how nice.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

okae. i've finally removed tt dumb song off my blog.
hated it.
was just too lazy te remove it.

and like finally.
i'm getting outta the house.
my mom was driving me up the wall.
fu*k tt. hahaa

i saw the bitch today!
omg. my eyes are spoiling.
and she was like.
...
hahh. ohh well.
its not like shes the only one who knows how te give others tt fu*ked up attitude of hers.
sigh. she spoilt my day totally.
fu*k.

hahaa. i came here with the intention of blogging down everything.
but somehow i can't find the words.
okae. maybe its better tt way.

i do hate te admit it.
but i guess sometimes i really don know wot im doing.
hahaa.
and the result is.
a disaster.

see i don. know why i liked you so much
i gave you all. of my trust
i told you i loved you. now thats all down the drain.
you put me through pain, i wanna let you know that i feel.

wot i said it don mean shit now.
the presents might as well throw em out.
all those kisses it didnt mean jack.
you. you. i don want you back.

you thought. you could
keep this shit from me. yeah.
ya burnt bitch. i heard the story.
ya played me. ye even gave him head.
now ya asking for me back.
ya just another act. look elsewhere.
cause you're done with me.

ya questioned. did i care?
you could ask anyone. i even said.
ya were my "great one".
now its over. but i truely mean i am sad.
it hurt real bad. i can't sweat that. cause i loved a hoe.

hahaa. nice song. heard it on radio just now.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

im stupid. happy?

Thursday, December 02, 2004

watched polar express just now.
it was. okae.
hrmm. i'm home alone now.
everyones out.
somewhere out there.
doing. i don know wot.

i've prob said this before.
but i just wanna say it again.
fate brought us together.
and tore us apart.
and why am i saying this?
hahh.
just some thoughts.
just cause ye avoid it.
it doesn't mean its not there.
and it'd come back te ye somehow in the end.
hahaa. these were words from somebody.
true? maybe.

i watched your shadow dissapear slowly.
and without a tear.
i wiped away everything that meant something.
however scars can never fade.
and thats all i have left.
of you and me.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

hrmm. im back from more shopping.
and im tired.
bought a new skirt and new pair of sandals.
okae. so my mom's gonna screw me later.
when she finds out.
for buying 2 pairs of shoes within a week.
hahaa.
and now. im officially BROKE.
bought a guitar yesterday.
and i love it. hahaa.
my fingers are still hurting from playing them yesterday.
and my re-exams.
well. gonna haf te sit for 3 subs.
all in a day.
sighh. and i'll haf te pass em all in order te move on.
zzz. and now. its time te start studying.
so tts all for now. :)

still missing ye.