Monday, November 29, 2004

it was pretty fun day today.
met gen, sam and their 2 friends today.
hahaa.
went shopping.
bought a new pair of heels.
which are umm. kinda high.
and are so not appropriate for shopping.
and clever me.. nvm.
and now my feet are killing me.
and so after tt.
i don know where the hell we went.
cuz i simply can't rmb.
ohh did i mention we tried on like a million dresses
which were all so. .....
but it was fun.
but at the end of it all.
we ended up at the playground at sam's place.
and it brought back many memories for me. hahaa.
good bad? shan't say.

somethings tt used te mean a fuck lot te me.
don really mean a thing te me anymore.
hrmm.
why?
i've changed? not really.
i'm just tired of the way my life used te be.
i've moved on.
but i know ye haven't.
ye actions speak for yeself.
ye can deny it.
but hrmm. hahaa. i know.
although nothing was said then.
we both knew wot we wanted.
anyway. somehow i feel that.
right now. i know a person totally different from then.
i guess it took away the innocence in ye.
and its kinda saddening.
cuz ye are looking for unwanted attention.
why make it an issue when its not?
ain't gonna say anymore. don't be a copycat.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

saturday:
went for band.
well. chan took over sectionals as usual.
din stay for farewell.
had tuition. hahaa.
nearly fell asleep.
was so so tired.
then i went home and quickly bathed.
dragged myself te meet stef and her friend at kovan mrt.
then her parents gave us a lift te jacinta's church.
where we attended jacinta's confirmation.
which was very very crowded.
went te thai express for dinner after tt.
and came home real tired and full. hahaa.


sunday:
woke up arnd 12pm.
or maybe earlier? hrmm. i don know.
hahaa.
went out for lunch and walked arnd.
waited for my sisters te finish watching their dumb movie.
and had dinner.
afterwhich we had te go te some relatives place.
where there was absolutely nothing te do.
so i sat there and stoned.
and i realised.
tt I REALLY MISS YE SO SO MUCH.
and i don know why.
aiyer. its making me so depressed.
okae. i shan't go on.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

im finally home.
after a busy day?
wotteva.
all i wanna say is.
im dead tired.
and super full.
i'll continue blogging tmr. hahaa.

Friday, November 26, 2004

and the simplest thing ye cud ever do was te throw it all te me?
hrmm.
cuz. im the section leader.
and its my reponsibility?!
ohh fuck you and ye screwed up mentality.

argh.
great. its time te make cocktail sausages.
all by myself.
so if i turn up for band like a zombie.
don ask why.
~!@#$%
and on top of all this.
i've tons of tuition homework te be completed.
ohh crap. and i've got no graph paper.
sigh sigh sigh.
im dead tired.
and so full. zzzzz

Thursday, November 25, 2004

i've given it some thought.
bout yesterday.
hahh.
and i've decided.
te share. maybe a little.
but not everything.
cuz. i don wanna dig up everything again.
after i buried it so deep down.
yea.
so like half the world knows now huh?
i wonder why?
hrmm. heck. its not like i really care anyway?
i won mind if ye ask me.
cuz i simply don know a thing.
and its not like i care as well too.
i'd rather ye ask me. then go arnd asking others.
hahaha.
pple just tend te underestimate me.
but ohh well. so be it.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

a fucked up afternoon it was.
argh.
screw it.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

tts the fucking reality of life.
so yea. wotteva.
fuckit.
and just shutup.
cuz im human. in case ye din know.

tuition ended not too long ago.
and as usual.
he bullshitted alot.
hahaa. wotteva.
im tired. woke up so darn early.

counselling's gonna be screwed later.
for sure.
especially since my mum's gonna be the one bringing me there.
argh. fuck her.
hope she doesn't say things tt get me inte shit.
like as though i haven't got enuf.

Monday, November 22, 2004

watched taxi today.
really entertaining. hahaa.
giselle bundchen is so damn hott! :)
man. im jealous. hahaa.
tt scene where they were stripping was really.
woahh.
hahaa.
okae. im gonna stop here.
before people start te think im some sorta pervert.

hrmm.
too much talk is really bullshit.
hahaa.
like i said before.
nobody else can hurt me more than i can myself.
i've had enuf of ye crap.
and lame excuses.
and lousy lies.
so yea. wotteva.
ain't gonna bother myself with people like ye.
cuz.
te put it simply.
ye crap.
next time. ye don haf te bother te lie.
cuz. i just simply don give a damn.
and im damn sure bout tt.
alright. tts all i wanna say.
hahaa.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

im too lazy te argue with ye.
so i won really bother te make sure ye get THE FACTS right.
and yah.
go on.
hahaa.
te fuck with ye.


and i swear i don need ye.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

i've been waking up in the middle of the night for the past week.
and i haven't had a good sleep.
argh. im so fucking tired.
and today.
i've finally made my decision.
life goes on.
with or without.
err. nvm.
hrmm. yepp.
so no matter wot i see, hear or find out.
it won hurt as much as before.
its time te let go.
and i shud haf done so a long long time ago.

Friday, November 19, 2004

okae. this is screwed.
i've got tonnes of tuition homework te be done.
and im so not done yet.
and tuition is like when? tmr.
hahh.

something tells me tt i shud try and do something bout it.
but on the other hand.
something tells me tt my effort wud just be worthless.
maybe i shud just leave it te fate.

a few days back i saw some stuff tt really stabbed me.
even though i won show it.
ye fucking know wot it is.
so don keep on asking purposely.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

everthing else can wait now.
cuz all i care bout now are my re-exams.
or at least i think so.
hrmm.

came back from my run not too long ago.
nearly died i swear.
cud haf fainted at my doorstep.
had a day of tuition.
my brains dead.
and i made it.
i sat there absorbing for 2 hrs straight without fidgetting.
damnit.
wish tjl was there te witness tt.
and my parents were like so damn bang.
so how well do ye fucking think ye know me?

we're all human.
and we make mistakes.
but some just tend te make more mistakes then others.
and im one of those.
so fuck off.
cuz i ain't perfect.
and neither are ye.
wot haf ye got te say now?

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

so wot if i still do cut.
its none of ye fucked up business.
if i die.
i won be a burden te ye anymore.
and ye can focus more of ye time on PPLE who really need it.

it just doesn't feel right.
no. not after 15 years.
te be honest.
ye are like a stranger te me.
so do ye think i'd play by ye rules?

i think i know myself better then ye say ye know me.
even though i don quite know myself.
te fuck with all ye effort.
cuz i just won appreciate it.

and im quite tired of these arguments.
fuck. can't ye see tt.
ye think i really enjoy those screaming sessions?
when i needed some peace.
i got hell.
do ye expect me te smile at ye and say.
thank you?

enough is enough.
don push it.
when i said i hated ye.
i really meant it.
i don need strangers te intefere in my already screwed up life.

this is just a fuckedupworld.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find a reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.

She's lost inside, lost inside...

im in love with this song. ha ha ha.

okae. i woke up pretty early today.
as compared te the other days.
well. received more freaky msgs.
but just decided te play along.
but i'm like getting kinda tired. so yea. i don know.
ha ha haa.

went for my usual sessions.
some stuff she said got me thinking.
hrmm.
maybe it got me even more confused?
i don know.

gen and eliz were over at my place just now.
we were supp te bake a cake for py.
hahaa.
it was a total screw up.
ended up buying another cake for her.
and it was.
a total screw up once again.
i think py's gonna scream. hahaa.
ohh well. ;)

sighh.
i knew good times wudn't last.
its sucha screw up.
where is it.
just when ye need it?
fuck.

Monday, November 15, 2004

ye bore me te death.
ye choke me te death.
ye stab me te death.
ye crush me te death.

zzz. wotteva.


boring dayy.
tuition sucks.
big big time.

ineedabrainwash.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Every step I take is another mistake to you
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
Every step that I take is another mistake to you


no more comments available.

when i say it doesn't matter much.
it usually does.
if ye really wanna know.
but maybe im just too numb te even do anything bout it.
sigh.
wotteva.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

fate brought us together.
and tore us apart.
or maybe it was just another of mother nature's jokes.
okae.
i admit defeat.
i'll walk out of ye life.
just like how ye walked out of mine. :)

Thursday, November 11, 2004

i've decided te delete my previous entries.
it was just a load of crap anyway.
it was just me rattling on and on.

a message for ye*:
i don care how ye see me as.
but wot really irks me is the fact.
tt ye haf te fucking judge me.
especially since its ye.
ye words cut.
but i guess ye'd be too numb te realise anything.
hahh.
guess ye'd only treasure something after ye lost it.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

ye made promises.
ye never intended te keep.
well. guess wot.
the same goes for me.
so we're fair and square huh?
alrightt.
it doesn't really matter anyway.
i'll play the game with ye till the end.
i won give up.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

i've found happiness.
how bout ye?


hrmm. no more comments available.


btw.
ye such a poseur. hahaa.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

okae. anything te do with ye.
just simply turns me off.
tt explains my sudden mood swings.


i realised today.
i cud be happy without ye.
i cud smile without ye.
i cud live freely without ye.


today was a happy day.
at least for the earlier part of the day.


to let go or not?

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

i so hate fuckers like ye who plagiarise.
and get on my nerves.

good for ye.
good for ye.
good for ye.
good for ye.
good for ye.


so im the fool eh?


counselling today was like fuck.