Sunday, October 31, 2004

ha ha ha.
i can't believe it.
i spent 3 and a half hours in church today.
now tts an achievement.
zzz. wotteva.


ok. i'll haf te leave soon. blog later.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

all tts happened.
has left me confused.



i don need a person like ye.
te tell me lies.
and play games with me.
guess wott.
i'll just fuck off.
its as simple as tt.
since ye won do so.

Friday, October 29, 2004

its been an eventful year.
and its also been the happiest and saddest year of my 15 years here.
time flies.
everything seemed just so yesterday.
i wish tt i culd just put my life on hold.
at this very moment.


fuck. okae.
maybe i deserve my results.
i played too much.
i was distracted.
and i din take it seriously.
and so for tt. im gonna be retained.


suicide doesn't seem like a bad choice at this very moment.
although i realise tt its really stupid te end ye life just coz ye failed ye studies.
but somethings eating its way through my heart and soul.
it just leaves me all so confused.

maybe its the thought of.
having everything tt i cared for being taken away from me.
maybe its my pride.
maybe its my own expectations of myself.
maybe i just wanna prove others wrong.
maybe i just want te accomplish something in my life.
hahh. but somehow.
tjl just told me tt my expectations of myself were.
unrealistic?
fuck tt.
te hell with this.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

screw this.
my day was going pretty fine till..
hrmm..
ye msg came along.
hecck.
i don know if i shud be sad or happy.


we've come a long way.
maybe not so.
i don know.
but i know i cherish all the things we had in the past.
fuck.
im willing te let go.
but somehow.
somethings holding me back.
and i just can't bear te let it go.
fuck.
why shud i be unhappy now tt ye've found ye happiness.
why shud i care bout ye anymore.
maybe im just being childish.
but i won deny it hurts. like fuck.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

sighh. i know its none of my business.
and tt it ain't right for me te say anything.
good for ye.
everythings working out like how ye wanted.
and just too bad for me.
hahh.
i don care. i don care. i don care. i don care. i don care. i don care. i don care. i don care. i don care. i don care. i don care.
fuck. just don tell me anything.
i don wanna know.
i don needa know.
and lastly. its disturbing.

Saturday, October 23, 2004

fuck off. world. just simply fuckoff.
i don need.
oversensitive.
insensitive.
annoying.
fuckedup.
pple like ye te screw up my already screwed up life.
i haf a limit te my patience.
and ye pple haf gone way above it.
don take it for granted.

i've nothing left te say.
sorry doesn't mean a thing anymore.
afterall.
its been used so often that.
its lost its meaning and value.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

hahh. never has so much fucking shit ever happen all at once in a day.
and never haf i ever been so hurt.
fuck. te hell with all this shit.
i seriously do disagree with some things i hear.
cuz ye make me feel like im worthless.
fuck. i'll just bleed te death.
and maybe this shit wuld come te an end.


for tt very you*:
im glad i never believed ye words.
and i don need another person like ye.
te screw up my life.
walk out of my life.
like how ye walked in unexpectedly.
i won shed a single drop of blood for ye again.


well. hope all goes well for her
may god be with her all the way.
running away doesn't help.
and it doesn't solve anything either.
it only makes matters worse?


for tt bitch:
hahh.
ye words contradict ye actions.
ye know damn well how i feel abt it.
and yet ye choose te do so.
or maybe ye chose te pretend ye don know a thing.
wotteva.
if it makes ye happy this way.
go ahead.
i'll just fuck off and pretend tt everythings okae.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

hohoho. im finally home at last.
woke up late for cath class today. hahaa.
ohh well. wasn't the only one late.
the cathechists were even later.
hahaa. last session.
good thing. bad thing? i don know.
lesson was crap.
weird stuff happened. hehh.
why do i haf this feeling im gonna be dragged down for daily masses?
ohh well. wotteva.
went out just now.
with my lesmate and. *ahem. and bev.


just heard some shit.
again.
argh. ye already got wot ye want.
can't ye just leave me outta this shit?!
FUCK YOU BITCH.
YES IM TALKING BOUT YE.
i fucking hate ye and i won deny tt.
never in my life haf i ever met sucha big loser.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

alright. i woke up only te realise tt
i was the only one home.
sighh. home alone once again.
and now. the damn computer.
is having some sorta virus .
and it keeps on retstarting by itself.
screw tt.
well seems like a pretty boring day ahead of me.
hrmm. i guess i survived the last 8 mnths.
hahaha.
i won giva damn bout wot happens from today onwards.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

this post may cause some misunderstandings. but. unless ye guilty. why should ye think im talking bout ye.


hrmm. think i've cooled down already.
just realised how vulgar the previous entries were.
ohh well. all this crap has really been getting on my nerves.
ohh heck.


sighh. i don understand.
why some pple haf te do certain things.
just te sabotage a friendship.
at the end of the day.
i don know wot ye gain out of it.
and i don know wot ye trying te prove.
i din think much of it at first.
i thought it was just some misunderstandings.
then i got te know ye better.
i thought i could trust ye.
but somehow.
all this crap has just left me confused.
anyway.
i wish ye luck.
with woteva ye trying te do now.
and well.
ye really did piss me off.
i really did care as a friend.
but ohh well. sometimes...
sighh. i don know.
anyway. just rmb this.
wot goes arnd comes back arnd.
so yahh. be careful with wot ye do.
don do something ye don want others te do te ye.



alright. shan't go on.
this is supposed te be a happy entry.
and i noticed. my entries are getting longer and longer.
these words are my own. from my heart flown. iloveye. iloveye . iloveye. iloveye.
and i can't let go.

Monday, October 11, 2004

this is not a happy entry. so i don think ye wuld wanna read it.


BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH
fuck. wish i never knew anything.
i don know wots so disturbing bout it.
but its really getting on my nerves.
anyway. i wish ye luck.
i don know wot ye up te.
not tt i care anyway.
like i said.
im washing my hands off this matter.
do wot ye want. i won get in ye way.
so long ye happy.
so be it.


mother nature is really cruel.
just when will she quit playing games with me.
alright. now tt i've outlived my purpose.
i finally see the bigger picture.
like after how long.
fuck. i'm so gonna retain.
and maybe tts mother nature's way of telling me how hopeless i am.
well thanks then.
i don know why im here anyway.
why put me here in this world.
where im of no use anyway.
fuck. wait.
maybe im here. just te tolerate all this shit.
im getting tired of playing these games.
i can't keep up for long.
im too tired already.
my walls are collapsing.
and darkness is consuming my world.
i hate ye. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
goodbye is all im gonna say
if i don make it alive tmr.
i won make a difference anyway.


life is crap.
or at least i think i made mine so.


imstillinlovewithyou.

Friday, October 08, 2004

if ye don like wot ye see. im sorry.
i'm guilty of manic depressions .
so don mind me ranting bout life one moment.
and ecstatic the next.


fuck the exams.
who gives a damn.
why bother bout wot tomorrow brings.
how i wish i could continue with tt attitude.
maybe i'd be a whole lot happier tt way.



this world seems so too complicated for me.
it seems perfect one moment.
and fucked up the next.
yes. i shud haf seen it coming.
no wait. i did.
i just din know when te expect it.
wot goes around comes back around.
i don't think i deserve this shit.
and i don't wanna take this crap anymore.
so many things from the past are etched inside the back of my head.
so deeply. i don think i'll ever forget them.
fuck. that.
i hate it when people say things and never mean it.
so maybe its bout time i start honouring my promises
i know how it feels.
te be promised something or told something.
but it was never honoured or true at the end of the day.
i truly am sorry for breaking my promises
fuck this shit.
i don need people who say they do care.
and yet when the world seems so dark.
they just come back wanting for more than i can give.
no. im not referring te anyone in particular.
sometimes i feel like breaking down.
but i guess i'll haf te thank my mother.
for bringing me though harder times.
and making me who i am today.
i never thought tt this crap culd grow te such a stage
where it culd control my emotions.
making me distressed and estatic the next.
meanwhile.
i hope for a better day each day.
and i hope tt these feelings wuld fade away.
just like how they came outta nowhere.
ignorace is bliss

Friday, October 01, 2004

Constantly girl you're on my mind
And girl i think about you all of the time
And even though words are hard to say
Girl i miss you, never thought i'd feel this way

You know that it's true.
Every time i see your face i miss you baby
You know that it's you.
I want to let you know you're driving me crazy.
I'd do anything to help you to see, i don't think you understand what you're doing to me.
You know that it's true.




the damn exams are killing me.
sighh.
i don wanna retain.
if i do. its so gonna be the end of the world for me.
kae. i found out some STUFF yest.
and i was rather shocked at first.
alright. admitted te some STUFF too.
hrmm. ohh well.
its all in the past anyway :)
nothings gonna change.