Sunday, August 29, 2004

i guess this partly explains why im so full of anger?

i tried.
i really did.
and i can't forgive.
its funny how incidents of the past,
suddenly all keep coming back te me.
i thought i had already let go.
or is it just an excuse te blame someone?
its scary how.
things could have gone all so very wrong.
im glad those things had happened in a way.
although it was painful intially.
i've learnt my lesson.
at a price.
my memories don't just fade away like tt.
i wish they did.
one thing leads to another..
tts why im not trusting anyone.
i don't know why i trusted you.
maybe it was cuz i was so damn naive.
fuck. the world's too complicated for me.
i asked you why?
you told me tt only i knew the answer.
somehow i messed it up.
maybe there is no answer. maybe?
or is it just tt i can't accept the truth.
who cares. somethings are better left unsaid.
i wanna say a thank you and at the same time, a no thank you..
for being part of my life.
and no. i don't hate you* anymore.
i just hate those memories.
and myself too.

and to my mum:
i still hate you. cuz i won't let go. in my darkest hour. you were the one who made things worse.

alright. if ye want te do it tt way.
so be it.
im may be stupid.
but not half as stupid as ye.
bitch.
i won't giva fuck anymore.
go ahead.
it ain't the first time anyway.
look who doesn't trust who now.
bitch. stop contridicting yeself.

Saturday, August 28, 2004

kae monkey says she can fall asleep while reading my blog.
so i shall blog abt her since she asked me te do so.


alrights. was out in town earlier on.
was with jacinta at first.
but she left te meet her date.
walked all the way from hereens te far east te meet monkey.
was intending te crash jacinta's date.
but ohh well.
they were at some place outta reach te me. :(
so we walked walked walked.
and i poked along the way.
hahaa. funn.
went te lips and drank the bitchy drink again.
then we walked somemore.
din see alot of pple.
funnaye.
thought i would.
ohh wells.
tirred. zzzzzz. haha.

Friday, August 27, 2004

im over this.
don't trap me here.


i don't know how much longer im gonna keep smiling.
its tiring.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

alright. the whole world seems te be
either sad or troubled.
well. sadly theres nothing i can do.
ohh well.
boring dayy.
theres nothing te blog abt.
so why am i even blogging?
for the fun of it.
blahh.
screwed up my chinese paper.
din study at all. kae.
maybe only the first chap.
maths. had a class "test".
man. everyone was talking and she was like going arnd explaining everything?
hahaa. ohh well.
all the damn tests are killing me man.
argh.
kae. whatever. this is a pretty long entry bout. nothing?

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

im happy
im happy
im happy
im happy
im a happy child :)

heres 2 words te describe my day
- screwed up.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

to my mother:
there is only one thing i want te say te ye.
fuck off.
simple enough?
even if one day i do bleed te death.
its my problem
you don't haf te make it yours.
no one asked you to.

lifes a nightmare.
i can't concentrate anymore.
im gonna fail my sec 3.
and maybe its your fault.
maybe.
argh. fuck this.

Monday, August 23, 2004

fuck. i hate mondays. pretty glad te be home right now at this very moment. maybe cuz this is the only place where i can vent my frustration and not giva fuck bout anything else. maybe im selfish. but i don't care anymore. i can't please everyone. i tried te understand and compromise. but i've had it. i have a life of my own too. alright. time te study for geog. must pass!

Sunday, August 22, 2004

was out shopping just now for my confirmation dress. hrmm. din manage te find anything. blahh. wot a waste of my time. kae. im feeling rather dizzy now. think i drank too much just now. and ohh. did i mention. i nearly fell down in the toilet. hahh. i just started drinking out of pure boredom. zzzz. eeks. 3 periods of accnts tmr. its gonna be so tiring and boring. well. i've decided tt maybe there is a reason why im here on this earth. im here te make ye smile :). ohh well. shall blog another day. im too tired te carry on. haha.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

you've done this to me.
you have made me this.
i've learnt my lesson.
and scars taint my memories.

you were everything, everything that i wanted
we were meant to be, supposed to be
but we lost it.
all of the memories, so close to me
just fade away.


went for band and came home te sleep and sleep and sleep my life awayy. hahh. lifes annoyingly boring. or maybe its just lost its meaning. im tired of hiding. im tired of pretending tt i care. thoughts run wild in my head. sighh. maybe i should start doing something productive and like start studying for my tests. but somehow i can't get myself started. ha haa. right.

i'll catch each star thats falls from the sky and embrace it.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

when we sigh bout our problems,
they grow double.
but when we laugh about them.
they become bubbles!

blow ye troubles away...

piano exam was screwed up.
now im starting te wonder why i even took my the damn exam.
ohh yes.
it was te irritate my sister.
kae. tt was childish.
won't say i wasn't dissapointed.
felt like crying.
kae. no idea how im gonna explain te my teacher.
today is simply not my dayy.
hahh.
i came home colourful today.
with my pencil case only.
my perfume bottle broke. haha.
bout time anyway. hehh.
my poor bag.
sighs.
got wet several times too.
all thanks te SOME PEOPLE
i wonder who man...........
i wonderrrrrrrrrrr..............
kae. shall stop here.
im bored.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

piano practical tmr.
its a gone case.
not being pessimistic.
im just facing up te reality.
as they say.
the truth always hurts.
theres no doubt in tt.
lifes sucha fuck.
lifes too fucking dead.

this damn blog is so restricted.
a few bitches haf been annyoing me lately.
shan't mention who. rather i can't.
well if ye don't like wot ye see
or disagree with me.
too bad.
grow up. we all share different point of views.
ye can't control how we think.
annoying. ~!@#$%^* fuck.

Monday, August 16, 2004

got back home bout an hour ago.
the past few days haf been quite happening.
yesterday..
hrmm. went for a concert at vch.
went te see fireworks after tt.
it was damn beautiful.
went inte harrys
tried a shot
tasted like lime juice?
hahh.
went home after tt
today today..
talked with the counsellor.
nothing much actually.
would be seeing her again tmr.
came home late.
no scoldings.
im shockked.
kae. so maybe miracles do happen.
maybe my parents do know when te shut up.
sighh.
im tired.

maybe im wishing for something so outta reach
maybe im foolish
maybe im not who you think i am

Saturday, August 14, 2004

i hate this.
i hate it when ye make decisions without asking me.
i hate it when ye assume.
i hate it when ye think ye are right.
fuck.
fuck off.
i was having a great day till ye started ye nonsense.
argh. forget it.
your not worth my blood.

Friday, August 13, 2004

kae. i kinda just threw 19 dollars down the drain
was supp te go fer the dim sum dollies thingy.
din go in the end.
just din feel like going.
wasn't in the mood.
met hum and petty and cityhall.
laughed and laughed.
im not spas.
hehh.


how many time do i haf te remind myself.
this is pointless.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

i can't find any words to express myself.
neither can i be bothered.
so this is all for today.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

the pain of being alive.
is getting unbearable.
im better off dead.
but just that i don't haf te courage to.

Monday, August 09, 2004

went tanning earlier on.
managed te get myself slightly burnt.
hehh. got pushed inte the water.
finne. bully me.
went down te town after tt.
went te lips again.
drank the exact same thing.
went te say hi te my lesmate too.
headed down te the esplanade after tt.
was hoping te catch the fireworks.
and argh! cheat my feelings.
all i managed te see was a lightshow.
sad case. sigh.

i feel like as though im gonna burst any moment.
love it while it lasts.

Sunday, August 08, 2004

i am tainted, scarred and unperfected.
you look at me with jaundiced eyes.
i struggle to act like i don't care.
i fight an endless battle
of neverending sorrow.
i'll flash the world a plastic smile
and hide each scar.
nothing seems to matter to me anymore.
my temperature's running high
im so delirious.
its sucha mess.

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

i'm in love with this song.
no idea why.
tiring day yesterday.
was performing at paragon.
how was the performance?
no idea.
heh. mr tang is full of crap i swear.
went back te town after tt with jacinta and boon.
met ching and pet at lips.
drank my peachy bitch.
yes. im a bitch.
hahh. whatever.
well. so i may be getting my clinique happy heart after all.
good good. since im not the one paying.
broke broke broke.
mum's not pmsing. and i hope it stays tt way.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

yes. i've been feeling ~!@#$% up.
by taking away my freedom
and your constant yelpings.
you think your helping me.
don't you think your overdoing it?
you make me feel like its not worth living.

i've lost control of my life.
im trying to forget you.
but life isn't helping.
it adds on to this burden im carrying.
i feel stupid.
i don't know how i managed to make sucha mess outta my life.
i realised.
escaping isn't the answer to all this.
someone slap me in the face
and wake me up.

nightmares i have lately
seem to wake me up shaking...
till dawn comes to my rescue.
and starts it all over again.
reality slashes me like a knife
and i'm loosing myself.
i know not my limits.
and i have a death wish.
i don't know who is that i see in my reflection.
and yes im having some issues.
rage is eating my heart alive.
im hating you.
and myself too.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

maybe this world is far too complicated.
maybe i don't want to live anymore.
but i want you to know.
i hate you.

now i can finally blog.
stupid blogger was screwed up yest.
now its finne.
hah. so blogger experiences mood swings too.
kae.whatever.

yesterday was a horrible day.
wasn't feeling too right?
don't know wot was wrong with me.
i felt so.
~!@#$%^&* ??

i hate this life.
i hate this feeling.
i hate everything.
this is disturbing.
argh.
kill me.
put an end to this nonsense.

maybe my feelings for you are no longer the same, but i want you to know i loved you once.
yes jacinta. this looks familiar doesn't it? i stole it off ye blog haha.

Monday, August 02, 2004

hey mr chan! now i know what ye do in ye free time. thanks fer dropping by and taking time out of ye hectic schedule to find out how i've been and wot i've been doing. im so sorry that i dun't haf a tagboard fer ye te tagg. but anyway. enjoy reading my post.

yes pple. mr chan reads pples blogs.


tiring day today.
gonna get zero fer my maths test.
so difficult!!!
argh!!! so annoying.
kae. 3 periods of accnts.
one of my most dreaded subjects.
i passed chinese!!!
omg. im s h o c k e d
band seemed to past faster than usual.
went through 2 pieces we played before.
and tried a new one.
mr chan.. why don't you sing along with the band for "stand up singapore" ?
kae. im gonna stop here.
thank you once again mr chan for reading.